Monday, April 30, 2012

This could be it?

The weekend had started off nicely.  Hubs came home Friday and he had even got us presents from the PX.  I asked him what was the occasion and it was a "just because".  He got some scented lotion for our daughter (she loves smelly lotiony stuff) and for me a gift set of Philosophy's Amazing Grace.

He got our daughter to play soccer that night in her game and it was a nice night in all.  In fact, it was a nice weekend.....Until Saturday night when he started in again on how he feels trapped here in Wisconsin.  How he might not come home right away after he gets done with his treatment.  What the hell am I supposed to think when he says that crap?  He's told me this so many times, finally I just told him look, if you're not happy then this isn't the life for you.

Sunday morning he refused to get up to go watch our daughter sing in church.  That was the final straw.  Seriously?  She doesn't do it very often.  Church starts at's not like you have to get up early or anything.  I told him when I got back he better be gone.  And, he was.

He sent me texts about how he didnt know what he'd done but he was sorry and he was going to quit smoking, and be a family man.  I loved that he was trying, but I knew that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear.  In the end, that wasn't going to help us.  I'm tired of him feeling "trapped".  I asked him what he meant by that, and he said it was mainly the house ownership.  I get that, that owning a house can be scary.  And we bought a "vintage" house, so it's got some updating to do.  Looking back, we rushed into buying this house because i was super pregnant and we wanted to get settled.  I love my neighborhood, but maybe this house wasnt the right one.  Regardless, we're here now and we've got to make it work!

Anyway, I just kept telling him to think long and hard about what he wants.  I'm not moving anytime soon.  I want my kids to get some roots and feel settled, I want to be settled.  If he can't handle the American Dream of house ownership and raising a family, then I don't want him to do it.    I genuinely want him to be happy, and more so....I want me to be happy and our kids to be happy and well-adjusted.  We can't be happy if he's always bellowing and griping about how he hates it here with us.  I tried to make that point to Hubs, but instead he told me "I know where this is going, I'll leave"

Sigh.  I don't know what to say that I haven't said already.  I just don't know anymore.  I love him and always will but I want all of us to be happy.  I'm happy here, why can't he be?

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