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Sunday, February 16, 2014

Quitting my job

  I've been balancing a lot of things on my plate:  being a mother, wife, caregiver, educator, grad student, and so on and so forth.  I was about to burst from the stress of trying to keep all the plates moving without dropping one.  Eventually, something had to give.

I'm not a quitter, but sometimes, like the quote says, "quit the right stuff at the right time".  That's how I felt about my job.  I initially took the position as a teacher's aide at my daughter's school just to get out of the house and earn a little money.  I also wanted to get my foot in the door since I had a teacher's license and figured someday, when someone retired, maybe I could get a teaching position there.  It's not a hard job in theory:  Working 5.5 hours a day, home by mid afternoon.  However, it was just one more thing to balance in my hectic, stressful life and the reality of the specifics of the job were extremely demanding.

Back in January, Hubby got his Permanent and Total status, finally.  Around the same time, we also requested a re-evaluation for the VA caregiver program to see if he could qualify for the higher tier.  We got an email last week that yes, he has qualified and as a result, the stipend I receive for being his caregiver will increase.  After we received that news, Hubs and I talked and I put in my two week notice at work this past Friday.

I felt extremely guilty about resigning.  I knew that by doing so, it was going to stress out the teachers I work with and the administration would have to scramble to try and find a substitute or replacement for me in time.  But, at the same time, I knew that my priority had to be to my family.  The administration, thankfully, completely understood my situation.  I know that it's the right decision for me, my husband, and our kids.  By quitting, I'll be able to stay at home and take care of my husband's needs and our toddler won't have to be in daycare anymore.  So while I am sad to be leaving the staff I have grown fond of, and the students I worked with who made me laugh when I needed it, I am extremely happy and blessed to be able to stay home at this time with my husband and my baby.




Monday, February 10, 2014

Blog or burst

I miss blogging.  There's something therapeutic about getting your thoughts down on paper.  It has to be healthier than keeping everything bottled up inside, and I am almost always trying to do exactly that.  

I try to keep it all together.  To the outside world, I try to appear as a cool, calm, and collected young mother and wife who has her crap together.  I smile and try to hide the chaos that is my life.   I hide it because I don't want to worry my loved ones.  What good would it do to get my parents or siblings worked up about my stressors?  It would probably do me good, actually.  Living with a wounded warrior day in and day out takes it's toll.  It would probably be very beneficial for me to have a great cry on my mom's shoulder or scream loudly in frustration to my sister just to get it out in the open. 

But, in reality.  I try so hard, so very hard, to keep my frustrations and sense of failure to myself.  I don't want to worry the ones I love.

And so.....I blog.  I blog to get it all out there because writing it out there in cyber space is better than keeping it inside.  If I get it out, then it's done.  I can reflect, and move on.  If i keep it locked away inside, it festers.  Festering is bad.

Life lately has been really, incredibly busy.  By the time I get the work done for the day, I'm ready to collapse into bed and fall asleep, usually by the early hour of 10pm.  Even now, it is going on 11:30 and I'm kicking myself because I still need to pack lunches for tomorrow for the kids and find a clean pair of jeans for me and instead I'm sitting here blogging.

But sometimes, you just gotta blog.