I was cruising Facebook this morning while feeding the baby and saw pictures a friend took of their recent PCS to California. There were some comments posted about how beautiful it was; one person commented on the openness of the area. She also posted a picture of her housing area.
Looking at them, I got a little nostalgic. I had met her back when our husbands were stationed in Colorado. We had been neighbors and we got along well. Only a year after living there, however, Hubs got medically separated and eventually medically retired. We packed up, moved back to the Midwest, and said adios to military life.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if PTSD had never entered it. I'm sure Hubby would still be in the Army. He was brilliant at his job and well respected by his men. I don't know where we'd be living, but we'd have moved several times by now; raising Army brats and living the military life.
I miss it. I miss seeing new places, meeting new people. I miss being woke up by the bugle at sunrise (ok, maybe not that). I miss the life.
My husband always is talking about traveling or moving to different places. He makes fun that I'm happy in our small Midwestern town. What he doesn't realize is that I would love to travel. I'd love to have new adventures and meet new people and try new things. That's one of the best parts of the life we had....seeing the world. However, PTSD changed that. PTSD is so sporadic and unknown. I never know what the day will bring. Will he be happy, depressed? What will set him off? In the everyday life of instability, I need some stability. My kids need stability. He needs stability. And so, we live here in a fairly nice home with good neighbors in a safe town with family not too far away.
But secretly, I miss our past life so much.