Sunday, March 18, 2012

I'm the outgoing one now?!?

My husband's PTSD has made me more social in general.  That in itself is crazy because I have always been very shy.  All through school I was really quiet, so much so that some people thought I was stuck up.  No, I wasn't.....just shy and very self-consious.

My husband was the exact opposite.  He was very boisterous and outgoing.   In college he knew everyone and everyone knew him.  When I met him, he still was quick to smile and joke and was still outgoing.

However, the demons have slowly stolen that from him.  He has withdrawn into himself so much that the outgoing person that was my husband is not really there anymore.  He would be perfectly happy to not interact with anyone or go out really at all.  It's strange because I've always been the kind of homebody who has that one person to confide in and that's it.  So, it's quite ironic that I ended up being the more outgoing of the two of us.

I try my best to get him out and about and make some sort of connections with people.  Most of the time he bitches about going out and there are times he just flat out refuses to go. Sometimes his refusal puts me in an awkward spot with our friends.  For example, this morning our neighbors texted me to invite us over for a BBQ tonight.  Both Hubs and I get along really well with them so I said yes.  He wasn't very happy with me for that:

"Why do you make plans without asking me first?"   Because, I thought, if I conferred with him first about stuff like this he would 95% of the time say no.  Anyway, I had said yes and then he was against going.  So then I had to text her back and tell her that the kids and I would be there, but he was actually going to be home watching the NIT tournament.

I know, kinda lame, but true.  Anyway, 5pm came and we walked over to the neighbors bearing my gift of chocolate chip cookies as my contribution to the BBQ.  Hubs was just finishing up the game.  After about 20 minutes the neighbors asked about him.  In fact, they offered to put the game on at their house.  So I tromped back over to ask the Hubs.  He told me he didnt want to go.

It sucks, I gotta say.  I had to go back over there and tell them sorry, my husband just doesnt want to come over.  I could have lied, but I gave up covering for him awhile ago.  I just tell the truth now, in as nice a way as possible.

"He has had a bad day all day.  I'm really sorry, but he isn't going to come over.  He's feeling anti-social"

They understood.  They know he has PTSD from the war, but it still sucks.  What should have been a fun family time with the nice neighbors once again turned into me and the kids.  I'm a little bitter about that.  I know I shouldn't be, but I am.  We're a family, dammit.  And why wouldn't you want to go next door and have some burgers?  That's all it was!  We were back home in an hour.

Argh.  So frustrating.  Can't believe I'm the more outgoing one now.

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