"Dont know if I'll make it, but watch how good I fake it"
Its getting to me --- this way of living. I've got to be the strong one. Keep up appearances of a happy life for my kids. So often im crying on the inside, but smiling on the outside. If i just keep pretending, then its not real. But in reality, the truth is hard to ignore.
His depression causes me anxiety. I walk on tip toes around him to avoid confrontations. I snap at the kids and at him because my patience is running low. I give and give and i'm running on fumes.
But at the same time, i try to be perky to friends. I pretend everything's fine because thats easier than admitting its not fine.
Marriage shouldnt be this hard. I know he cant help it. His PTSD is awful. I keep out the hope he will get better and appreciate what he has. His brain injury has changed him. I keep hoping the cloud will lift and the man i fell in love with will be there. He's in there somewhere, buried deep.