Wednesday, February 15, 2012

PTSD vampire.

He's sucking the life out of me.  This man I love, who is hurting so badly, is killing me.    There's always been more valleys than peaks in his cycles of PTSD, and we've entered another long, demanding valley.  I knew it would return, it always does.  If he's happy for a day or two, I breathe a silent thank you to God and then, as soon as I do.....the bottom drops out again.

The depression and the awful pessimism is weighing me down.  I try so hard to be "normal", so my kids don't get too affected by it, although I know they are affected by it.  How could they not be?  I try to keep up a peppy attitude for my own sake at least, otherwise I'd get sucked down into his pool of depression too.  As it is, I'm barely keeping my head above water.  I'm trying, but it's so hard.  Some days I don't even want to talk to him, because I know nothing positive is going to come out of his mouth.

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