The other night my husband asked to borrow my laptop. A few minutes later I saw him stretched out on the bed with a frown on his face. Later he asked me, "why do you bash me in your blog all the time?"
I was kind of taken back.
I don't bash. I vent.
He told me I do it a lot. Maybe I do. I tried to explain to him that this blog is my sounding board. I don't see a therapist to help me cope with the stress of being the wife of someone with PTSD. Thanks to years of focusing solely on my family and surviving, I don't have many close friends to confide to anymore. I don't like to talk about any stress to my family. What's left? The world wide web.
I could just write in a journal and tuck it away for no one to see. I write on a blog because I hope that maybe someone out there, who is going through the same thing as me, might stumble upon my blog and get a sense that she.he is not alone. That someone else is going through the same thing as them. To feel all alone, that no one out there understands what you're feeling.....that is an awful feeling. Such a feeling of loneliness.
Because of this, and the fact that I don't have a lot of people to talk to about my situation, I tend to blog about stressful times. I can understand my husband's point of view. How it must have sucked really badly to read all about the stress he's caused me, the unhappiness. Well, I'm here to say it isn't all unhappiness. God, if it was, I sure wouldn't have stuck around.
So, in the future, I'm going to try and blog about happy times as well. At least occasionally. Because, after all, this is my blog and my space to cry, rage, vent, give up....and then pick up the pieces and keep on going.