Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Tis the season...

I'm so stressed out.  This time of year should be fun, but instead it leaves me tired, depressed and stressed.

In fact, this entire Fall has been awful.  Our daughter has had some really difficult issues to work through these last few months. I think we *finally* are at a place with her in her treatment that is a good place to be.  She's gained weight, seems happier, and overall is doing much better. It definitely took its toll on Hubs and I thought.  When she was at her worst, Hubs couldn't stand t be around her so I did a lot of it solo.

This time of year is also hard because there are lots of anniversaries for my husband.  While he admits he has never been a huge Christmas nut, ever since he got out of the service, he has shown little excitement for the season. He tries, for the kids, to be happy and cheerful. If it were up to him, however, he would stay in our basement from about Halloween until February.  Christmas is my favorite time of year, or it used to be…..I try hard not to let his depression be contagious and zap my holiday spirit.  It's hard though.

To top it all of, Hubs recently put in for his Permanent and Total since he's 100% and it's been over five years since he was discharged. This, however, has added even more stress to him. For instance, today he freaked out because he realized that his paperwork was wrong. He had used a service officer to submit it. When he found out the guy screwed up, he went ballistic.  He had me call but he refused to talk to them so with me being the go-between he wasn't satisfied with the answers. He then went over the guy's head to the top.  His service officer called Hubs back and oh…guess what…..not that big a deal. He'd fix it.

I guess that's the part I'm so frustrated about personally.  Hubby has no patience at all. He takes any bit of information and flies off the handle with it.  It's not just the paperwork, it's everything.  Kids act up, he can't handle it.  Someone says one little thing to make him mad, he yells at them.  His temper is awful lately.

I'm hoping and praying this most recent bout of PTSD anger gets over quickly.  I feel awful for him.  He has panic attacks daily now and he's so miserable.  I pray for peace for him and for us as this Christmas season arrives.

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