He's still being an asshole, but I'm trying not to let it get to me. I know he's hurting really badly right now. It's weird, he was just fine days ago and then the downward spiral started out of the blue and it came fast.
He came in about a half hour ago. We hadn't really talked since the argument earlier. He had stayed downstairs on the futon, covered up by a blanket in the dark and I was upstairs with the kids. That was fine with me. I didn't want to talk to him when he was like that. Well, when he came in a few minutes ago, he was still crabby and he also was talking about how he doesn't trust anyone and he started asking me who i could count on for anything. I answered "mom and dad". Him too.....but I will admit that I can count on my parents more than my husband. I know my parents will always drop whatever they are doing if I called and needed them. They've been there for me. Hubs is there for me too, but when he's in a deep PTSD mood, I will say that his own feelings are most important to him and I'm kind of left to fend for myself.
He talked a little, but soon left to go back downstairs. Now, we've given up cable (groan) and we got an antennae and we've been utilizing Netflix. It's an adjustment, but we're saving quite a bit. Anyway, while he was talking I was on my laptop going to A&E's website to watch the full episode of Duck Dynasty. I watched last week's episode which focused on Phil and Miss Kay's wedding anniversary. I sat there watching it, and at the end of the episode Phil and Kay renewed their wedding vows.
If you are a fan of Duck Dynasty, I suggest you read Willie and Korie's book. In it you find out that back in the day, Phil was a drinker and he was just plain mean. He came around, obviously, but there were some hard time for Phil and Kay. Watching the episode, I actually cried when Kay was saying her vows to Phil. To paraphrase, she said she loved him when he was not so nice, and she loves him now, when he's really nice.
Here is the clip. Watch out, you'll cry:
So after watching that I realized, once again, that no marriage is perfect. We all have our struggles. Some more than others, for sure. But.....We all have them.
I love my husband. He's a good soul who is tormented. It still doesn't make it right for him to be an ass, and I'm a strong enough person to let him know. Still, I stop and think for a minute and realize we've come a long way.
I hope someday we will renew our vows and I can say that I loved him when he was not so nice, and now he's really nice!