If you follow my blog at all you have noticed a recurring theme. The theme is that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I have my bachelor's degree and have worked in the school systems for years. While I liked my jobs, I always thought about that next step in my career. I just wasn't sure what that next step was.
This past winter I thought I had figured it all out. I applied and was accepted into the University of Wisconsin's School of Social Work for my masters degree. When I got the acceptance letter, I was giddy with excitement. Since that day, I have gone through a lot of emotions with the whole process. For starters, even getting anything done at the university seemed to take quite a long time. I soon began to realize that I really was a very small fish in a large pond. Combined with that, as the school year ended, I started to feel nostalgic and sad. On the very last day of school, one of my students ran back and gave me a hug goodbye. That was significant because all year this kid had yelled and complained that I was pushing him too far. I almost cried when he did that gesture.
Before beginning my masters, I had to complete a statistics class. It was supposed to start today. Again, as time came, I started to think more and more about going back to school. I realized that I'd be gone all day and when I got home I'd be studying. The university is about an hour from me, so that's a lot of travel time. I knew it'd only be for two years, but lately the Hubs and I have really got along and as a family we've enjoyed spending time together. I realized that as much as I wanted to be a social worker (and I do!) I wanted to be around my family more. I didnt want to miss special events in my children's lives and I wanted to be able to be there for them and Hubs.
So tonight I went online and canceled my class and withdrew from this semester. That means no social work program in the fall since I needed the stats class. A large part of me is sad, I'm not going to lie. I know that at some point in the future I may wonder "what if" and regret not going to school. However, a bigger part of me is relieved. I'm also excited. I have always treated my teaching jobs as just that....jobs. Now I'm going to start treating it as a career.