What I want to be when I grow up

If you follow my blog at all you have noticed a recurring theme.  The theme is that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I have my bachelor's degree and have worked in the school systems for years.  While I liked my jobs, I always thought about that next step in my career.  I just wasn't sure what that next step was.

This past winter I thought I had figured it all out.  I applied and was accepted into the University of Wisconsin's School of Social Work for my masters degree.   When I got the acceptance letter, I was giddy with excitement.  Since that day, I have gone through a lot of emotions with the whole process.  For starters, even getting anything done at the university seemed to take quite a long time.  I soon began             to realize that I really was a very small fish in a large pond.  Combined with that, as the school year ended, I started to feel nostalgic and sad.  On the very last day of school, one of my students ran back and gave me a hug goodbye.  That was significant because all year this kid had yelled and complained that I was pushing him too far.  I almost cried when he did that gesture.

Before beginning my masters, I had to complete a statistics class.  It was supposed to start today.  Again, as time came, I started to think more and more about going back to school.  I realized that I'd be gone all day and when I got home I'd be studying.    The university is about an hour from me, so that's a lot of travel time.  I knew it'd only be for two years, but lately the Hubs and I have really got along and as a family we've enjoyed spending time together.  I realized that as much as I wanted to be a social worker (and I do!) I wanted to be around my family more.  I didnt want to miss special events in my children's lives and I wanted to be able to be there for them and Hubs.

So tonight I went online and canceled my class and withdrew from this semester.  That means no social work program in the fall since I needed the stats class.   A large part of me is sad, I'm not going to lie.  I know that at some point in the future I may wonder "what if" and regret not going to school.  However, a bigger part of me is relieved.  I'm also excited.  I have always treated my teaching jobs as just that....jobs.  Now I'm going to start treating it as a career.