betrayal

Like many veterans, my husband often speaks of how his fellow soldiers are his "brothers".  These men  went through hell together and have an inseparable bond.  No one gets it, like a fellow brother.

Imagine the hurt, the incredible sense of betrayal then that happens when one of those brothers turns on another.

It's no secret my husband has severe PTSD.  He is not always the nicest guy in the world, that's for sure.  However, he by no means deserved what he got about a month ago from a fellow soldier.....Not just any soldier, but one who my husband had always considered a close friend and confidant.  This fellow solider is still active duty and allegedly suffers from PTSD too.  In fact, he had talked to my husband about his struggles in the past.  This soldier is married to a foreigner and they have children together.  The wife of this soldier liked to put things on Facebook.  Comments that often spoke about how great her country was and often in a passive aggressive way, smacked on the U.S.

Now, this lady lives on US soil, her kids are half American and her husband is a United States Soldier. My husband and I chose to ignore her pictures she posted with shrewd comments and her rants on American healthcare and such.  I get it.....I get frustrated with my country too but excuse me....It's MY country and I can talk crap about it if I want to.  You, someone who won't give up their own citizenship to their country and is a foreign visitor simply CANNOT.

One day about a month ago, this wife posted some comment about the US and her country.  My husband finally had had enough and shot off a comment back.  His "brother" started giving my husband crap.  Her husband rightfully so defended his wife, which was fine.  However, he then started attacking my husband where it hurts.....with his PTSD.

This "brother" called my husband lazy and told him to get a job.  My husband was stunned.  I took the computer and wrote back that shame on him for saying that.....That he obviously does not understand PTSD if he thinks my husband is lazy.

"Maybe you have voices in your head too,then" was the reply.  I couldn't believe it.  I'm usually pretty calm, but I was about to go ape shit crazy on this guy.  How dare he be so rude and so clueless about PTSD when he himself has said he suffers from it.  My husband, in a rare moment of calmness, took the laptop and simply wrote, "we're done.  Thank you".

It tears me up.  My husband was simply defending his country against a person who was constantly smearing it.  The other soldier then hit way below the belt.  This other soldier is also studying to be a reverend.....or he was.....not sure if he still is.  I sure hope not.  The church does not need such a hypocritical ass leading congregations.

Perhaps this other soldier was simply putting on a show for his wife.  Maybe he was in denial and felt that by attacking my husband he was distancing himself from PTSD.  Whatever the reason, that soldier is now dead to my husband.  He will never forgive him for the words he said.  I don't blame him.

Miss the life

I was cruising Facebook this morning while feeding the baby and saw pictures a friend took of their recent PCS to California. There were some comments posted about how beautiful it was; one person commented on the openness of the area. She also posted a picture of her housing area.

Looking at them, I got a little nostalgic. I had met her back when our husbands were stationed in Colorado. We had been neighbors and we got along well. Only a year after living there, however, Hubs got medically separated and eventually medically retired. We packed up, moved back to the Midwest, and said adios to military life.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if PTSD had never entered it. I'm sure Hubby would still be in the Army. He was brilliant at his job and well respected by his men. I don't know where we'd be living, but we'd have moved several times by now; raising Army brats and living the military life.

I miss it. I miss seeing new places, meeting new people. I miss being woke up by the bugle at sunrise (ok, maybe not that). I miss the life.

My husband always is talking about traveling or moving to different places. He makes fun that I'm happy in our small Midwestern town. What he doesn't realize is that I would love to travel. I'd love to have new adventures and meet new people and try new things. That's one of the best parts of the life we had....seeing the world. However, PTSD changed that. PTSD is so sporadic and unknown. I never know what the day will bring. Will he be happy, depressed? What will set him off? In the everyday life of instability, I need some stability. My kids need stability. He needs stability. And so, we live here in a fairly nice home with good neighbors in a safe town with family not too far away.

But secretly, I miss our past life so much.