Quitting my job

  I've been balancing a lot of things on my plate:  being a mother, wife, caregiver, educator, grad student, and so on and so forth.  I was about to burst from the stress of trying to keep all the plates moving without dropping one.  Eventually, something had to give.

I'm not a quitter, but sometimes, like the quote says, "quit the right stuff at the right time".  That's how I felt about my job.  I initially took the position as a teacher's aide at my daughter's school just to get out of the house and earn a little money.  I also wanted to get my foot in the door since I had a teacher's license and figured someday, when someone retired, maybe I could get a teaching position there.  It's not a hard job in theory:  Working 5.5 hours a day, home by mid afternoon.  However, it was just one more thing to balance in my hectic, stressful life and the reality of the specifics of the job were extremely demanding.

Back in January, Hubby got his Permanent and Total status, finally.  Around the same time, we also requested a re-evaluation for the VA caregiver program to see if he could qualify for the higher tier.  We got an email last week that yes, he has qualified and as a result, the stipend I receive for being his caregiver will increase.  After we received that news, Hubs and I talked and I put in my two week notice at work this past Friday.

I felt extremely guilty about resigning.  I knew that by doing so, it was going to stress out the teachers I work with and the administration would have to scramble to try and find a substitute or replacement for me in time.  But, at the same time, I knew that my priority had to be to my family.  The administration, thankfully, completely understood my situation.  I know that it's the right decision for me, my husband, and our kids.  By quitting, I'll be able to stay at home and take care of my husband's needs and our toddler won't have to be in daycare anymore.  So while I am sad to be leaving the staff I have grown fond of, and the students I worked with who made me laugh when I needed it, I am extremely happy and blessed to be able to stay home at this time with my husband and my baby.

My love/hate with the V.A continues

I have a love-hate relationship with the V.A.  Most of the time, it's more hate than love.  Then, occasionally, you have a LOVE moment......A recent example would be Hubby's last C&P where the doctor was phenomenal and actually got it.

Today, it's more hate than love.  For well over two years, I have been my husband's caregiver through the V.A Caregiver Support Program.  Basically, we get a small stipend for all the things I do for him. To get this, we had to apply, have doctors assess us, and have a home visit from a nurse.  To maintain it, we still have a nurse come quarterly to visit with Hubby.

For the last few months, Hubs has just really spiraled downwards.  It's bad....I mean, bad.  The poor guy has anxiety attacks when I'm at work and relies heavily on me to do a lot of stuff needed for him to receive care.  I broached the topic of a rate increase almost a month and a half ago to the Caregiver Support Coordinator.   He explained that the need would have to be long term and started telling me, "you know, think of if your husband had an operation.  He'd need additional care for awhile but not long term so we wouldn't increase it for that".

That comment annoyed me.  My husband has PTSD.   It's not going away......ever.  

Anyway, I said I understood and he also said that it's hard to have doctors go back and reassess.  Well, I get that.....Except his original assessment was done in North Chicago and he hasn't seen those doctors in quite awhile.  More so, he was very good at hiding how bad it was for him.  Since then, he has opened up to his doctors and the totality and severity of his disability is now evident.

For all those reasons, I pushed to open it back up and reassess.  Who knows, maybe we won't qualify for the higher tier, but won't know unless we try. 

The irritating part is that this guy, the Coordinator, has been taking his sweet time getting back to me.  When I called him in December to as him about this and also to ask for help for me, he said he'd be right on it.  I was desperate for counseling of my own.  After all, this was the Caregiver SUPPORT program and I needed support.  Well......It took him a month to get back to me.  When he finally did call me, he apologized and told me I was sounding much better.    Well......okay......but no thanks to him and his "support".   

I've called and emailed him again several times about this reassessment.  Supposedly all he has to do is send it back to Hubby's providers.   Hubs meets weekly with them, and they haven't heard squat.

It's frustrating for sure to have someone who on one hand, says he is "There for you" and tells you that "you can call me anytime for anything" just to have him fall way short of that.  Please don't make promises you can't keep.  Especially to worn out, stressed caregivers and their stressed out spouses.

Approved for Caregiver status!

Last Thursday I had the in home assessment.  I blogged about it, so feel free to read up on my experience.  Anyway, Friday I contacted my coordinator just to ask what the time frame would look like to hear the status on approval.  He told me he was in the middle of writing my approval letter.  Wow, that was fast!  Monday morning I received a packet in the mail that said I was approved and it had information for direct deposit into my checking account.

So, I encourage you to look into the Caregiver program if your spouse is disabled from Post 9/11 combat.

Caregiver Assessment

Recently I applied to become my husband's official Caregiver through the VA.  Click here to read about the program.  It's a newer program designed to offer support and official recognition of those who care for our wounded warriors.  There are benefits involved, including medical insurance if you don't already have it, counseling, and a monthly stipend.  Since I resigned from my job to stay home to care for my husband, this benefit was especially appealing.

So far, the process has been painless.  We applied and have a coordinator at the local VA who has helped with answering questions about the process and letting me know what to expect.  I've finished up the online training and today was our in-home assessment.  The assessment made me a little nervous, because I wasn't sure what to expect.  Turns out, it was also painless and quick.

A nurse came over this morning to do the assessment.  She sat down with me and asked me a series of questions covering a variety of topics.  Some didn't apply to me (wound care, foley care....my husband has no physical injuries) but some did.  At first, she spoke to me by myself but then I called up Hubs from the basement because it was easier for her to see him herself to answer questions.  For instance, one question was if he had an ambulatory needs.  Watching him walk into the room without any help answered that one, for example.

After she talked to us together, Hubs went back downstairs while I answered some questions alone.  It was a burden scale, to see how big of a burden I felt caring for him.  I hated that part.  The scale went something like "rarely, sometimes, most of the time, always" and I answered most of them with sometimes.  Yes, sometimes I am stressed.  Sometimes I do feel like it's all on me.  She told me I got a 7 and one more point would have put me at being "stressed".  I don't know how I feel about that.  I explained some days are stressful, some days not that bad.  Thus, sometimes.  Had I gotten into the "stressed" range, I don't know what that would have meant.

The visit was short.  She was here about a half hour tops.  I had my house cleaned yesterday just so everything would be fresh and sparkly for her visit, and she didn't even leave the living room.  Oh well, at least my house is clean.  I recommend writing down the things you do for your veteran beforehand.  I did and it was nice to be able to refer to my list.  I actually didn't realize what all I do for my husband until I started writing it down.  The bonus was at the end, she took the paper with her to refer to so I'm glad I did it.  Just a suggestion if you apply.

The nurse said she'd see me in 3 months, so guess that's a good sign.  I asked what was next in the process and she said she'd give all the data to the coordinator and he'd be in touch with me via a phone call.  I dont think it will take that much longer to get it all nailed down.  I think am going to get something.  I already took the caregiver training and I can't see them having me do that unless I qualified for something.

Any other questions let me know.  I'll keep you updated on the conclusion of this process.