Breakthrough

  I got a phone call today from the Hubs.  They are few and far between when he's gone.  He's never been a big talker on the phone so I try not to take it personally.  Anyway, he called and said he'd had his trauma today in group and he'd been worrying about it all week.  I knew without asking what trauma he talked about:  The one that's haunted him the most....the death of his LT.  He has taken the blame for that death since it happened, even though it was in no way his fault.  I've tried telling him that, doctors, therapists, heck even the LT's widow told him it hadn't been his fault, but he never believed us.    Today he told me, he knew it wasn't his fault.

I was so incredibly happy hearing those words come out of his mouth.  I think a big part of his PTSD has rested with that incident and the blame he has been placing upon himself.  He told me that he felt like a weight had been lifted off of him and honestly, I almost started crying.  Finally, he gets it.  Finally, he can be at peace with himself.


I was curious of course to know what magical words of wisdom had finally gotten through to him.  He told me it was when the other veterans in his group began talking to him about it and explaining things that Hubs hadn't thought of before.  How it had been an ambush, how there is nothing he could have done to change what happened.  Hubs probably saved lives that day.

Hallelujah.  I mean that whole-heartedly.  I am not naive enough to think that this epiphany means that his PTSD is gone.  Hardly.  However, I am hopeful that this is a major step in the right direction to improving his self-esteem and self-worth.  I pray that the peace he is experiencing now remains and that he continues to make strides in his treatment.  The poor man has lived his life the last 7 years thinking he was responsible for the death of a beloved LT.  It has impacted him in so many negative ways that I'm biting at the chomp to see how this changes him.  Again, i'm trying really hard to keep myself in line.  Yes, he still has major Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and yes, he still has a lot a ton of issues to work through and address but surely this is great news and a step in the right direction.