The School Bus Dash

Every morning I am amazed that I get our daughter on the bus in time.

It's no small feat.  She has one speed these days, and it's sloooooow.   I've tried getting her up 15 minutes earlier, but she adjusts for that and seems to go into extra pokey those days.  It drives me crazy, yet she is unfazed by it all, even with her mother bellowing at her to hurry up.

Daughter is 6 and in Kindergarten.  She gets up an hour before the bus comes.  Should be plenty of time, right?  I do make her take a shower in the mornings.  We used to do it at night but she has horrible bed head and doesn't like me brushing her hair.  It was a power struggle most mornings (when we don't have time!!!!) and she often ended up going to school looking like a little ragamuffin with her hair.  So, we implemented the morning shower routine.

It theory, it works out lovely.  She hops in the shower, I take the dog out and lay out her breakfast while she's in there and we end up with lots of time.  However, it never works that way.  For starters, she LOVES to take a long shower.  I am constantly in there, "hurry up, the bus is coming" and "2 more minutes".  After the two minutes I've been known to turn off the shower, but the little bugger turns it right back on or has a headful of shampoo.  It doesn't matter how much I prompt, or yell, or harp.....she goes her own speed.

The shower ends up taking the most time, but eating breakfast is another time waster.  She eats her cereal so slowly!  I've tried other foods to hurry her along.  Foods like poptarts, toast; but she eats them all with the same slow pace.

The end result is me usually grabbing her arm and hauling her into the bathroom with 5 minutes to go before the bus is due, to brush her hair while she brushes her teeth.  Then I drag her into the living room and she jams on her shoes and complains about putting on a coat (it's not summer yet, and YES you still need a coat.  I don't care what xxx mother says or what xxx does, you're wearing one!)  Lastly, I kiss her on the head and boot her out the door just as the school bus is pulling up.

It exhausts me every day.  Although we haven't missed the bus yet, I know it's coming.  And I dread it.

2nd marriages after KIA

I was reading the latest entry on a blog I follow.  If you want a really good blog on military spouse-hood and the realities of being a military widow, I suggest reading it.  A Little Pink in a World of Camo is written by a lady whose husband passed away overseas.  It is touching, funny, thought-provoking and emotional all at the same time.  Anyway, the latest entry was about the anniversary of her husband's death.  It was pretty emotional to read, as she remembered the knock at the door and discussed that morning.

Rachel is dating again.  It sounds like she's doing well and has met a great guy.  After I read her blog, I started thinking and wondering about the boyfriends and spouses of widows.  These have to be special guys.  I think of a wonderful lady I know whose husband served with mine.  He passed away early on in the war and she was pregnant at the time with their third child.  His widow went on to marry again and they have a child of their own now, as well as the three from her first marriage.

Is it hard for these guys?  They wouldn't be together if war hadn't torn the first husband away.  I would think they'd have to be some of the most understanding, unselfish people on earth.  I know our friend, when Osama Bin Laden was killed she got pretty emotional and posted pictures on her facebook of her husband's gravesite.  How does the 2nd husband deal with that?   Was it hard to watch his wife cry about her first love?  Does he feel weird when her first husband's accomplishments are touted to their children?

Even boyfriends.....Is it difficult to date a widow?  Are they afraid they'll be compared to the first husband/boyfriend?

Just thinking out loud I guess.  And so grateful that there ARE so many men/women who can be that strong to marry the widow of a soldier.

off the meat wagon

The last few days have been really stressful.  We had all that drama with the psycho troop leader and then Hubs and I had an argument.  And that was just through Tuesday!   But, the drama and stress was not done yet!


Yesterday Hubs left to go get more work on his tattoo sleeve (I hate tats, but what can ya do?).  Our daughter wasn't home yet and it was just me, the baby, and our dog.  It was pretty nice out, and I decided to walk the dog across the road to get the mail.  I went there, realized Hubs had already got it, and walked back.  I went back in the house and put the dog back in her crate so I could concentrate on the baby.  Not even 30 seconds after I put her in the crate the doorbell rang.


I really thought about not answering it, but I wondered if it was the neighbor.  If only I had not answered!  Oye!  At the door was a guy.  He was one of those dudes that drives a meat truck around.  Yes, a meat truck.  I know what you're thinking: 

The guy explained that he had been in the neighborhood and was trying to sell the last bit in his truck so he could get home to his kids and take them to the park.  Again, had I really taken a step back I would have realized that this was no good and told him to buzz off.  However, I got sucked in.  The guy showed me the meat, explained how great a deal it was, and how he'd throw in a box of seafood.  

I tried to call the Hubs, but he had his phone off.  (Damn tattoo appointment, otherwise he would have been there and this would have been avoided).  I knew that Hubs liked to grill out, and it was nice out, and I felt bad for the guy who just wanted to get home to his kids.  Sooooo, I fell for it.

I bought two cases for $400.00.   I hauled it in and really, even before the truck was out of the drive I was second guessing myself.  What had I just done???  But, I thought that this would at least last us for months and month.  I tried to call Hubs several times and left both voicemails and text messages.  

Needless to say, it did not go over well.  Hubs was PISSED OFF.  Not only did he explain that I got ripped off, but he kept reminding me what he could have bought for that amount of money.  I felt bad enough, but with him harping about it all night long, I really felt like crap.  Worse, I looked up the company and it had super bad reviews and the Better Business Bureau even said it was out of business!  I was convinced I had just been swindled and I didn't even want to eat any of the meat anymore.  Who knew where it came from?

I was up all night worrying.  Hubs kept me up pretty much til 3 in the morning bitching to me about it.  Then he'd say, "it's not your fault" but then he would dive right back into what a crap deal it was.  

It was a long night.

This morning as soon as my kid was on the school bus I called the local number on the receipt.  I was so bummed out and pissed at myself.  As I dialed the number, I was more than half convinced that it would be disconnected or something.

However, I will say that the customer service was excellent.  A guy answered right away and I explained that my husband did not like the selection and we wanted to send it back.  No questions asked, he said he'd have Tom, the customer service rep call that afternoon and take care of me.  Tom ended up calling two hours later.  Turns out, he was going to be out our way within the hour and he'd pick up all the meat and seafood.

Hallellujah!!!

The guy did come (about 90 minutes later) and boxed up all the meat that I had had to unbox to fit in my freezer.    He handed Hubs our check and that was that.  

I have learned a valuable lesson.  Don't be so quick to trust someone.  Never make large purchases, even in good faith, without talking to your spouse, and, above all else....Don't buy meat off a truck!

barely holding on

"Dont know if I'll make it, but watch how good I fake it"

Its getting to me --- this way of living.  I've got to be the strong one.  Keep up appearances of a happy life for my kids.  So often im crying on the inside, but smiling on the outside.   If i just keep pretending, then its not real.   But in reality, the truth is hard to ignore.

His depression causes me anxiety.  I walk on tip toes around him to avoid confrontations.  I snap at the kids and at him because my patience is running low.  I give and give and i'm running on fumes.

But at the same time, i try to be perky to friends.  I pretend everything's fine because thats easier than admitting its not fine.

Marriage shouldnt be this hard.  I know he cant help it.  His PTSD is awful.  I keep out the hope he will get better and appreciate what he has.  His brain injury has changed him.   I keep hoping the cloud will lift and the man i fell in love with will be there.   He's in there somewhere, buried deep.

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Crazy Psycho Troop Leader

The nastiness with the troop leader continued.

I did all I could to rectify the situation.  I contacted the classroom teacher, the other child's mom who had been CC'd, and BOTH said it was blown out of proportion.  I decided to let it go, keep daughter in the troop and just hope that this lady gets on meds or something soon.

Well, that didn't happen.  She sent a half-assed email to me saying she had watched our girls play at school and "maybe" I had been right, that maybe it was normal kid stuff.  The following sentence said, "most of it".  Then she said she hoped we could move forward.  I didn't respond, just grateful things were calming down.

Today she emails me that I haven't been replying so maybe I'd thought about transferring my daughter to another troop.  I replied no, she was staying put.  At the same time, my husband sent his own email to her.

I know, I know......you let a guy with frustration issues email some lady?  To be fair, his email was short, but to the point.  In it, he told the troop leader to not email me or him anymore.  He emailed that we werent moving our daughter unless she became a problem in scouts and that personal emails would not be acknowledged.  He also said that the only problem seemed to lay with her, because the other student's mom and the teacher had not issues.

So what does this whack-a-doo do?  She fires back to Hubs that "How DARE you disrespect me".  She also emailed me that Hubs had threatened her and so we were going to have no contact until she could sort it out with Girl Scouts and the school.


What. The. Heck.


To make a long story somewhat shorter, Hubs called the Girl Scout council and left a message then when the lady called back we explained the situation and she said we could switch troops.  She gave us the names of other troops and I contacted one and the lady is super sweet.  I'm so thankful to have found another troop.  It's a bit more inconvenient because they meet at this lady's house and not at school.  Oh well.  Small price to pay for peace of mind.

I did email this troop leader one last time, to let her know that our daughter would be switching troops and that we had been in contact with the Girl Scouts.  This crazy lady responds that she had already been in contact to get rid of our daughter because she couldn't possibly work with the parents.  She also said that I am NEVER to text, email, or phone her again and to stay away from her and her family at the Girl Scout event this Saturday.

Wow.  Just wow.  I have met some people who lacked grace and tact before, but this lady takes the cake.  I do feel bad that my daughter's friendship with this little girl is basically doomed because we cant get along but dang it.....WE didnt do anything.  I am about ready to post all the emails on here so y'all can read it and see I was about as diplomatic and respectful and tactful as you can get.

So long iphone

I loved my iphone.  It was sleek, really easy to use and fun.  I loved the apps for it; I was practically addicted to facebook on it.  However, the carrier we used for our beloved iphones doesn't have 4G and when my husband's buddy was down for the funeral, they did a speed test and his 4G was faster than our home network.

So, goodbye to that carrier.  The new carrier has iphones also, but we ended up going with Droids.  Hubby went off to get them on his own while I stayed home and manned the fort.  He came home with a Droid Bionic and a Razor for himself.  I like my droid, but it's so darn confusing!  My iphone was so easy to navigate; one button on the whole phone so not that hard to figure out!  The droid makes me want to rip my hair out.

I could go back to the iphone on the new carrier, but Hubs tells me the droid has so many more features and things to do, that I'm going to suck it up.  I think once I get used to it and mess with it awhile, it should be okay.

Anyone else have a droid?  Whatcha think about it?

Miss the life

I was cruising Facebook this morning while feeding the baby and saw pictures a friend took of their recent PCS to California. There were some comments posted about how beautiful it was; one person commented on the openness of the area. She also posted a picture of her housing area.

Looking at them, I got a little nostalgic. I had met her back when our husbands were stationed in Colorado. We had been neighbors and we got along well. Only a year after living there, however, Hubs got medically separated and eventually medically retired. We packed up, moved back to the Midwest, and said adios to military life.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if PTSD had never entered it. I'm sure Hubby would still be in the Army. He was brilliant at his job and well respected by his men. I don't know where we'd be living, but we'd have moved several times by now; raising Army brats and living the military life.

I miss it. I miss seeing new places, meeting new people. I miss being woke up by the bugle at sunrise (ok, maybe not that). I miss the life.

My husband always is talking about traveling or moving to different places. He makes fun that I'm happy in our small Midwestern town. What he doesn't realize is that I would love to travel. I'd love to have new adventures and meet new people and try new things. That's one of the best parts of the life we had....seeing the world. However, PTSD changed that. PTSD is so sporadic and unknown. I never know what the day will bring. Will he be happy, depressed? What will set him off? In the everyday life of instability, I need some stability. My kids need stability. He needs stability. And so, we live here in a fairly nice home with good neighbors in a safe town with family not too far away.

But secretly, I miss our past life so much.